To Olumide...
Dear Olumide, Kindly Send Your Account Number
I’ve always been that person who doesn’t like trouble. I hate it. I don’t like stress at all. For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived my life by removing myself from situations that could bring unnecessary drama or allow people to drag my name through the mud, especially on social media.
I want to be able to look back years from now and say, “At least there’s no dent on my name.” That’s how I choose to live.
As many of you know, I’m a lover girl. A soft baby, even. I love love. I love seeing people in love. I love rooting for people who have found their person because I know what it means to be in a happy place with someone you genuinely care about.
Now, let’s get into today’s episode.
When I went on that date with Olumide, he was the one who asked me out.
Before we even got to know each other properly, he was already promising me heaven and earth. I turned him down almost immediately because I found his approach strange.
Why are you asking a woman out and the first thing you’re telling her is, “Money is not a problem. I’ll spoil you silly if you say yes to me”?
Why do you assume money is the only thing a woman wants from a relationship?
Yes, financial stability is important. Nobody is denying that. But I don’t want money to be the sole reason I choose a partner. That’s a dangerous foundation for any relationship.
So I declined and proposed friendship instead.
For a while, it was fine. We bantered a lot. We talked. It seemed harmless.
Then he started sending me pictures of his private area.
I did not appreciate that.
I made it clear that I didn’t appreciate that.
Instead of stopping, he continued.
Naturally, I began withdrawing from the friendship because what exactly was I supposed to do with pictures of your private area?Things eventually got worse.
After I told him I could never date him, he became upset and yelled at me. That was my cue to leave. I blocked him on WhatsApp, blocked his calls, and removed him from my life completely.
The only place I didn’t block him was Substack because, well, there’s no way to call someone on Substack.
Fast forward to the famous apology post.
The moment I saw it, I knew it wasn’t genuine. I knew it was simply a way to get my attention because he no longer had access to me.
Against my better judgment, I unblocked him.
Big mistake.
He called me, and the conversation started normally enough. He said he loved me so much that he couldn’t think straight because I had blocked him. He complained about being bullied because of my post.
I even apologized for that because, regardless of how I felt, I don’t enjoy seeing people get attacked online.
Then the conversation took a turn.
He suddenly announced that women don’t turn him down and that I was the first woman who had ever rejected him.
I laughed.
But apparently, this was not a joke to him.
He said he would do everything possible to make sure he got me.
Naturally, I asked, “How?”
His answer?
Money.
Again.
He said he would spoil me with money because, according to him, women don’t have standards. Once they see money, they lose their guard.
That statement was actually what inspired my previous post about women having spec.
And honestly, while I disagree with him completely, I understand how some men arrive at that conclusion. Too many women have unfortunately reduced themselves to the point where some men genuinely believe money can buy access, affection, loyalty, and even dignity.
Then he said something even more ridiculous.
He said he had stooped low to be with me and that I should be grateful.
Me.
Eno.
I nearly laughed myself into another dimension.
The insults kept coming.
For someone significantly older, you would expect a certain level of wisdom, but what I encountered was a highly articulate manipulator. That’s the dangerous part. People like this know exactly how to package nonsense in polished language.
And honestly, I feel sorry for any woman who falls for it.
We don’t even align spiritually. He’s an atheist. I’m a Christian. Our values are fundamentally different. Why exactly would I say yes to someone whose worldview doesn’t even remotely align with mine?
Then came the statement that finally ended any possibility of a civil conversation.
After all the back and forth, this man opened his mouth and said:
“At least have sex with me and let’s go our separate ways.”
Excuse me?
Then he added that I couldn’t collect his money and refuse to sleep with him because “that’s not how it’s done.”
I immediately asked him to show me where I requested money from him.
Did I ask him to send me money?
No.
Did I ask him to buy me gifts?
No.
Everything he gave me was done willingly and without coercion.
Yet somehow, in his mind, those gestures translated into entitlement.
At that point, I told him I would refund every kobo he had spent because nobody gets to insult me and then act as though I owe them access to my body.
His response?
He said he didn’t want a refund.
According to him, he would collect his money “in kind.”
Then, just before I ended the call, he said...
“I can’t let that fat ass go just like that.”
That was it.
I ended the call and blocked him immediately.
That was the longest and most exhausting 44 minutes of my life.
The reason I have temporarily unblocked him on Substack is simple. I need his account number so I can refund every single naira he claims to have spent.
For transparency, here is the breakdown:
Taxify rides to and from our date: ₦8,000
Movie ticket: ₦7,000
Lunch: ₦12,000
Chocolate box: ₦48,000
“Thanks for coming out with me” money: ₦100,000
Dress ordered from Instagram: ₦38,000
Total: ₦213,000
So please, if anyone sees Olumide, help me beg him to send his account number.
I would like to return his ₦213,000 so we can finally close this chapter permanently.
Because if a man believes kindness is a down payment for access to a woman’s body, then that money is carrying far too much spiritual weight for me to keep.
Thank you.
Oh, chim.
Substack is gradually becoming Twitter.
Lmao.
Women have money ooo!!! This is not the 50s. If you want to date a woman and all you have to offer is money, I truly pity you.
This post is making me so aggravated.
The next sentence more disturbing than the previous.
Eno, I'm sorry you had to go through that. To think I was rooting for this ship. I rebuke it for you in Jesus' name.