Be Selfish?

When Did Selfishness Become the Only Way to Survive?

Being selfish is really not cute...but honestly, what are we supposed to do? We live in a world where if you are selfless, people call you a fool. You are taken for granted.You are taken advantage of. Your kindness becomes an invitation for people to exploit you.

And somehow, the advice you get is always the same...

“Stop being so nice”.

“Put yourself first”.

“People are using you”.

“You are too selfless”...really?...Why do we keep telling selfless people to stop being selfless instead of telling selfish people to stop being selfish?

Have you ever told someone, “Think about how your actions affect other people”?

Have you ever told someone to put another person first, even when there is nothing in it for them?

I grew up being selfless.

And I don’t mean that in a “look at me, I’m such a good person” way. It was just how I was. I naturally considered other people before myself. It wasn’t something I calculated. It wasn’t something I did because I wanted praise. It was simply how I understood life.

If I’m boarding a cab and someone is struggling to get in, I don’t mind taking the uncomfortable spot so they can sit comfortably.

If I see someone carrying a heavy load, I’m there helping because I don’t want them to break down under the weight.

If I’m at the market and I’m holding the last item someone else desperately needs, I can let it go. Madam, it’s the last one? Okay, take it. Seeing someone else happy was enough for me.

I remember a classmate who once lost her transport fare. I didn’t have much money myself, but I gave her what I could. I ended up trekking for about 30 minutes because the little money I had left wasn’t enough to cover my own transportation.

And at the time, I didn’t think I had done anything extraordinary.

I just thought, someone needed help.

That was the kind of person I was.

But fast-forward to 2026,the world has decided that people like that are simply fools.

Even in church, you hear things like, “Don’t be too selfless. People will take advantage of you. Put yourself first. Don’t go the extra mile for people.”

And I understand the wisdom behind boundaries. I really do.

The Bible doesn’t teach us to be without wisdom or discernment. Jesus Himself told His followers to be “wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16).

But there is a difference between wisdom and selfishness, having boundaries and becoming incapable of caring about anyone but yourself.

when did protecting yourself becomes an excuse to deliberately hurt other people because “I have to look out for myself.”

Christ taught selflessness. He taught us to love our neighbours. He taught us to consider others. Philippians 2:3-4 tells us to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but to value others and look not only to our own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Yet somehow, we’ve built a world where the person who cares too much is the fool, while the person who takes advantage of them is simply “looking out for themselves.”

And why are we so quick to tell the kind person to change instead of telling the selfish person to do better?

It is almost as though we’ve accepted selfishness as a normal part of survival.

Brothers steal from brothers.

Friends betray friends.

People take advantage of people they claim to love.

And we’re watching the stories unfold around us every day. Even the ongoing P-Square family saga has made me think about how complicated things can become when money, family, resentment and personal interests collide.

Then there is dating.

Don’t even get me started.

The dating pool is another conversation entirely.

Everyone is keeping score and having competition in selfishness.

“If you don’t do it for me, I won’t do it for you”.

“If you won’t help me, I won’t help you”.

“If you won’t give me what I want, why should I care about what you need?”

Everyone is trying so hard not to be the one who gets used that we’ve somehow become people who are afraid to genuinely love, give, sacrifice or inconvenience ourselves for someone else.

And then there is entitlement.

That one hurts differently.

You know someone is struggling. They have told you they’re struggling. You can see it. You know they’re barely holding themselves together. You know they’re not in a good place financially or mentally.

And yet, you still ask them for money.You still expect something from them.You still make your need their responsibility without stopping to consider what they are going through.

And when they say no, suddenly they’re selfish.

Sometimes I genuinely wonder...When did we stop seeing each other as human beings?

When did another person’s struggle become something we could conveniently ignore because we wanted something from them?

The saddest part is that I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do anymore.

I honestly don’t know, and being selfless in a selfish world is exhausting.

You give, and people take.

You forgive, and people repeat the offence.

You show up, and people begin to expect it.

You make sacrifices, and eventually those sacrifices become their entitlement.

You are kind once, and suddenly kindness becomes your obligation.

And when you finally get tired, they ask what happened to you.

Nothing happened.

I just got tired.

Tired of being the person everyone knows will understand.

Tired of being the person everyone knows will give in.

Tired of being the person who will say, “It’s okay,” even when it isn’t.

Tired of constantly wondering whether doing the right thing makes me foolish in a world that rewards people for looking out only for themselves.

But I don’t want to become the kind of person who sees someone drowning and thinks, “Not my problem.”

I also don’t want to keep being the person who jumps into the water for everyone until I am the one drowning.

So, here I am, somewhere between selflessness and self-preservation, trying to figure out what the right thing is.

And honestly?

I don’t know anymore.

All I can say is...may God help us.

May He give us wisdom without making us cruel.

May He teach us boundaries without making us selfish.

And may we never become so afraid of being used that we forget how to love.

Because this world is already hard enough...We shouldn’t have to become hard too.